The secret to better sex? Meeting minds on money
Sorry to take the bedazzle out of this, but focusing on money matters together could be better than any therapy, trying to have more sex, or uncovering your love languages.
New data shows financial security is one of the top three sexiest traits in a partner. The other two? Humour and intelligence.
Now, what if we combined the three traits to approach your money situation in a way that’s uplifting, and helps you and your honey make progress on your finances? Here are seven steps any couple can take to become financially aligned, and see greater satisfaction from their relationship. (These steps are also featured in my book “Modern Couple’s Money Guide.”)
Get on the same page: Do you and your love have a clear idea of where you want to go, and what you’d like to accomplish in the next five to 10 years? Getting on the same page is about understanding your common goals like home ownership, starting a family (or not), growing a business, purchasing a vacation home, or becoming debt free. This step — dreaming of the future — should be the fun part of financial planning.
This is also the part where couples who are heading in very different directions are going to find that out, and can decide whether to stay together or move on.
Scrap your emotions and sort out your accounts: Park your differences, sit down together and form a combined list of your assets and liabilities. Total them all up and determine your net worth. That’s what the two of you will need to focus on growing to ensure your dreams (those from step one) become a reality.
This is the part where secret bank accounts and revenge spending tends to be revealed… and my advice if this happens to you, is to make light of it. Focus on financial transparency between the two of you from now on.
Curb overspending: It leads to debt and is often the root of heated arguments between couples, especially when just one of the partners is the real culprit. Good news! Overspenders and savers can indeed live in harmony, but only if they’ve got a plan to use, and stick to over time, a budget — including fun expenditures within it.
Get out of debt: Dwelling on how you each got into the red is a downer. Instead, form a plan to get rid of consumer debt first (e.g. credit card balances and car loans) followed by non-consumer debt like your mortgage. The beautiful thing about crushing debt is your household cash flow improves dramatically once the first portion is eliminated. That means more money to put toward your dreams is on the horizon — whoop!
If you’re going to buy a home, don’t stretch to the top of your budget. You’ll end up house-poor and miserable. Eventually home ownership makes sense for most couples, unless you live in crazy-expensive cities like Vancouver, New York, Toronto, or San Francisco, in which case it can be best to rent and beef up your savings instead. If owning the walls you live in is your dream, build up a minimum of a 10 per cent down payment (aim for 20 per cent if you can), as anything less exposes you and your partner to far too much mortgage debt.
Learn to invest like pros: You’ve probably heard that you both should invest 10 per cent of your gross income (before taxes). It turns out that happy wealthy couples actually invest 15 to 20 per cent. It’s what lets them retire on time, enjoy their retirement despite high inflation, and ensure they’re prepared for a long retirement (thanks to medical advances, we are outliving previous generations). The best approach to investing well as a couple is to utilize tax-advantaged retirement savings plans, choose high-quality investments, and get good financial planning, and investment advice early and often.
Design your money master plan: Making a financial plan leaves you one up on 90 per cent of couples out there who don’t have one! Data shows you’ll end up with between two and three times more money than couples without a plan — ZING!
Your money master plan will be a compass that guides your finances so that your dreams actually happen… otherwise, they’re just wishes. Your plan will have a retirement date, a target size of nest egg, and all the goals you have from step one. In my experience, to reach your full financial potential as a couple and be happy, you’ll need to focus on balance between your financial, personal, and professional goals.
If you and your honey want a happier relationship and more money, try these steps. And if you lock horns, hire a financial planner, or a money coach with a background in positive money psychology… maybe that can be your Valentine’s gift to each other.
This article was originally published in The Star. Lesley-Anne Scorgie is a Toronto-based personal finance columnist and a freelance contributing columnist for the Star.
