The Team Approach to Solving Your Relationship and Money Issues

Picture this… you’ve just tied the knot with the love of your life and are planning your home renovation together. When it comes time to pay the contractor, Mr. or Mrs. Right shrugs his/her shoulders in an, “I can’t really afford this, can you cover me?” fashion. Because the adoration and bedazzlement with your partner is at its peak, you foot the entire $20,000 expense. You’re a bit miffed, but carry on without addressing it.

But, when it happens a second time at the appliance store three months later, costing you a further $4,000, you’re downright irritated.

“Now that we’re married, aren’t we supposed to split our expenses equally?” you chirp.

“Are we?” your partner replies.

Considering money issues are one of the leading cause of separation and divorce in North America, in the vast majority of cases, couples don’t talk about money nearly enough. Sure, money can’t be the centre of attention in your life, but downgrading the importance of financial compatibility below that of careers, rings, weddings, houses and babies is utterly dangerous.

Your financial compatibility with your partner is as important as personal compatibility because financial choices are, in many ways, a reflection of a person’s value system.

If, for example, one partner wants to save for the couple’s future, but the other partner spends his/her savings on clothes, the couple’s priorities aren’t aligned and all-out financial brawls will ensue.

Before you walk down the aisle or shack up together, you need to talk about your views on money; spending versus saving, debt, buying property, career path and the income that goes with it. Are your views fundamentally aligned? If not, DO NOT Pass Go.

If you’ve already formed a household with your partner, but feel you’re pulling in different financial directions, you need to get on the same page.

Start by coming face to face with your shared financial reality. Lay all your cards out on the table (both figuratively and literally) and perform a simple audit of your money situation. Figure out what you’re both bringing home, what you’re spending, how you’re spending it and what your situations are like in terms of debt, savings and investing.

This and the next steps require open, honest and respectful communication.

There’s no room for shouting in a healthy money conversation. Start by discussing what’s working and what’s not based on what you see on paper. From there, move the discussion into areas of behaviour and attitudes. If your partner is a cheapskate and it bothers you, bring it up, but don’t actually call him or her a cheapskate; after all, you’re not likely to get far in this discussion – or relationship – with name-calling and judgemental comments!

Take some time together to reflect on the origin of each other’s monetary views as so many of us learn financial habits, good and bad, from our parents and friends.

Move the conversation towards goal setting. Remember when you were in the carefree dating mode? You probably talked a lot about your dreams. Revisit those conversations and discuss what you jointly want to work towards. Perhaps together you want to own a home mortgage-free by age 40 or start your own family business. Dreaming together will also help reignite your passions for each other.

When you identify your financial goals, work backwards and make them a reality. This means setting up a budget that supports your goals, clearly defining the role each partner will play and holding each other accountable.It’s financially prudent to swap your roles from time to time so that partners are aware of the total financial position of the household. Though you may not  like  to deal with certain financial matters, it’s irresponsible to ignore them.

Wondering if you can plan your financial future without having joint accounts? So long as you work together to achieve your goals as a team, your account structure is a non-issue. But, be aware that from a legal perspective, unless you have a legal agreement stating otherwise, all assets and liabilities accumulated throughout your union are shared equally. As you get on the same financial page as your partner, you’ll spend less time worrying about your money, and more time investing in your relationship.

Need a little help getting on the same page? Consider getting financial advice from an objective and qualified professional like one of our MeVest Certified Money Coaches - Email us. A Money Coach can review your financial plans and suggest the most efficient ways to achieve your goals.