Key to greater intimacy this Valentine’s Day might just be to skip the roses

I wrote the book on love (and money), "The Modern Couple’s Money Guide," and in my research I found money itself has little to do with how happy couples are. It’s the meaning behind how money gets spent, saved and given that counts.

It turns out the thought is actually what counts, and how much is spent doesn’t matter all that much. In a year when fancy lingerie, chocolates and dozens of roses may not be in the budget, amp up your thoughtfulness this Valentine’s Day.

Make up your own, simple, low-to-no cost traditions

Skip all the fancy Hallmark traditions and focus on activities and traditions that matter to you both; going for a walk, skating, watching a movie, making pancakes, dropping your kids off at the grandparents for the night, taking the entire day off of work, wandering through the farmers market, booking a couples massage you can claim on your benefits, or taking a scenic drive. Making up your own traditions that are centred around your joint interests and priorities will make Valentine’s Day memorable for years to come.

Scale down spending on food

Go ahead and cancel the reservation you made to a nice restaurant, save $200 — never mind the babysitting costs. A more economical food option is to make a delicious meal at home. Pick a trending recipe, like One Pot French Onion Pasta (thank you TikTok), make a grocery list of the ingredients you don’t already have, head to the discount grocery store, buy the food on sale and cook together, which is super romantic. Or scale way back on takeout. You could pick up a nicer pizza for $25 and skip all the add-ons. Walk or drive over together to get it, to save the delivery fees. Now, make a homemade salad and pair it all together with a $20 bottle of wine and $10 dessert. The goal is to eat well, for much less.

Dedicate quality time to each other

Put your phones and laptops away and just be with each other. This is the part where you can hopefully enjoy some intimacy (without added money stress, which is like an anti-orgasm potion, from overdoing it on Valentine’s Day spending), give each other massages, watch a movie, listen to a romantic playlist you’ve put together just for your partner, or cuddle on the couch. 

The more time you give to each other — not just on Love Day — the greater the likelihood you’ll start to open up any blocked lines of communication. My advice is to repeat this step regularly throughout the year.

Skip the gifts, or do them for way less

If you’re skipping gifts, make sure your partner knows. Otherwise, you’ll both end up feeling badly. Or, if you plan to give each other something small, set a dollar limit, like $25, which establishes a clear boundary that sticks to your budget. Some couples get super creative and give each other gifts for no money at all, challenging themselves to use up rewards, lingering gift cards and store credits. Homemade gifts are trending, too, such as building a frame for a picture of the two of you or whipping up five frozen lasagnas that can be heated on-demand for future all-time favourite meals (the lasagna idea was a big hit with my husband when we were dating, and still living apart).

Agree to make your money plans a priority 

I know, this probably isn’t your favourite subject. But couples who come together to make a financial plan, and a budget to support that plan, are more likely to stay together, have better sex and be happier. It’s because that plan pulls together your dreams and goals, and that’s something partners can rally around. It helps couples forget what was driving them apart, and see commonalities that can bring them together. Perhaps the big takeaway from your special celebration this week is to make money matters a priority.

Give romance the greatest opportunity to flow freely between you and your honey by reducing unnecessary financial stress, and by focusing on loving each other.

This article was originally published in The Star. Lesley-Anne Scorgie is a Toronto-based personal finance columnist and a freelance contributing columnist for the Star.